Dad Olympics

by Max Riffner | Apr 8, 2026 | Creativity & Life

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I couldn’t feel the eyes on me, but they were there nonetheless. I got a sense of being watched as I progressed around the backyard patio. I had tried to use my new toy and it fell short. An electric lawn edger.

It wasn’t a fair test. The lawn had grown a good 2-4 inches over the concrete. I had prepared for this possibility. The watchers gazed as I left the backyard and returned with a manual edger.

Each time I drove the blade into the soft spring earth, I could almost hear a gasp of relief. The eyes were moving up and down as their owners nodded in approval. A silent agreement from my new neighbors. “Finally. Here is a man. One that will return this lawn to the shining glory it deserves. A man who loves lawns is finally arrived.” And the weight and ache of middle age was neither present nor welcome when I grabbed the vessel of discarded dirt and grass. Forty pounds deadlifted meant nothing to me then. I was born anew.

There’s a new dad on the block. And he isn’t fucking around with the yard work.

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